This may come as a real shock to you, but I have a functional vagina. For those of you who know me and may have thought it was just a frigid, barren land where things go to die, I’ve had you fooled. And thanks, by the way.
I’ve had a kid come out of there (quickly -- much appreciated, birthing hips!). However, there is a curse to the functional vagina: It completely changes how I am viewed in the working world.
If you are a pregnant woman in the workplace, life is awesome. Women constantly look at you with their heads soothingly cocked to the side and say things like, “How you holdin’ up sweetheart?” To which you should only respond (even if you are feeling 100%), Sigh… “Oh, I’m hangin’ in there” and then gingerly slouch away. They’ll look after you with solemn admiration—another brave soldier doing it all. With men, it’s even better. Hopelessly devoid of uteri, none of them fully understand what is happening with your body, even if they’ve had preggo wives or partners, so they think that you may give birth at any second. To remedy this, they do things for you: carry things, pick things up, give you their chair to sit in. This will never happen again. Enjoy it.
After you have your child and you’re back to work, things change. You’re back, baby weight in tow, and without the sympathy vote. And, if you’ve chosen to breastfeed you still can’t even drink.
My husband came home from work the other day to relay a story he shared with several female coworkers. He was telling them about something cute our son had done. What that cute thing was, I can’t remember. Regardless, you could tell that they thoroughly enjoyed the tale.
Now, here’s the thing. Men and women telling stories about their children while at work are received very differently.
When a man tells a story to his female coworkers, they ooh and ah and look at him as though he is the greatest man to walk the face of the earth. He works hard but he’s also a family man. Gee, how does he do it? His wife is so lucky. (My husband is an incredible dad, don’t get me wrong, but when he goes in and offers up a story about our son, unsolicited, to his female friends, it is always received well.) These stories might actually make him more attractive to his superiors.
When a woman walks into her workplace, men don’t care to hear about her children (I don’t blame them. I don’t care to hear about them either). The women who share stories openly about their kids for all to hear are turned into walking vaginas, and not the young, hip 20-somethings with their snooty Brazilian waxes…
When a woman opens her mouth and shares a tidbit about her child’s stool, people see her as a mother and not a professional. Plus, that’s just gross, and no one cares, so keep that one to your selves, ladies.
There is still a “glass ceiling” of sorts made up of ovaries, stretch marks, and diapers, and unfortunately none of those things are attractive.
But what do you think? Please feel free to leave any thoughts in the comment section, and thank you for reading.
You could not have said it any better. Another consequence to having a baby and returning to work is you are automatically discounted as committed and focused. And the women not in that mommy mode (either early twenties or had their babies and are old)either judge you for being fat or forgot what its like to work and have kids or better yet they didnt work when they had kids: )
ReplyDeleteYet I would think one joy of returning to work as a mother is that you're no longer part of that 20-something group still secretly eyeballing any half-way decent man to hold on to. They may have the Brazilian going, but it's only through pure vanity or because they feel they need it. Very few, if any, really want one. Maybe you no longer get the sweet compliments and pampering you did when you were pregnant, but you're also done with all that crap you do when you're single.
ReplyDeleteYes, it is nice to be out of the "20 something group still secretly eyeballing any half-way decent man.." that is true. There is way more crap to deal with when you're single- agree completely!
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