1.
We overly praise.
a.
My son gets rewarded for peeing correctly. My inner
Elaine Benes is unleashed while I dance and sing a song about excrement. I don’t
remember this from growing up- I actually think I potty trained myself. I’ve called
my parents out for not praising me enough, and my mother’s response to any sort
of movement up the social ladder has been mentioned in previous posts. My
father’s reply to my apprehension in leading all day
professional development at work for example: “If that’s all I had to do… I wouldn’t be
complaining” (said in the voice of Eeyore). I would implore, “Why don’t you
congratulate me all the time just for trying, like my friends’ moms and dads?” Mom:
“Because, your friends moms and dads are idiots. I’m breaking my neck to give
you opportunities to be successful. Work harder.” I have to give it to them.
I’ve never in my life had an over-inflated sense of self. As a teacher, I have
growing concern for those kids who are given participation awards for showing
up. If you suck at something, and you had my parents, you’d know it and
redirect your energy elsewhere to something you sucked at less.
2.
We unnecessarily brag.
a.
I have a blog dedicated to my child. My mom sends
out a Christmas poem that is her bragging rights for the year. This has long
been a source of competition- our mention
in the Christmas letter. With three siblings, it’s tough vying for a spot
in the much-anticipated musings of my overtly sarcastic, hyper-critical.
loving mother. We actually used to (I still…) count the number of sentences each
of us got. My mom’s backhanded compliments are to this day- a thing of beauty. But,
she didn’t brag about us the rest of the year. You’d never hear her on the
phone to her friends boasting of her kids’ accomplishments. Because she knew
other people really just didn’t care. She gives us each 1-2 sentences one time
a year in print for the world to see, and man, we notice.
3.
We are too passive aggressive.
a.
We’re so worried that we’re going to in some way
screw up our kids (not realizing that is our God given right as parents) that
we try to sugarcoat everything. We work to provide constructive criticism- tell
our kids things in such a way that they won’t be soul crushing. With my son I
find myself constantly saying things like, “That makes mommy sad” whereas my
parents would have unleashed the fury. “Are you insane? I mean are you absolutely
f-ing bats--- crazy?!! Do you really think you can talk to me that way?!” Problem
solved. New Year’s resolution for myself? Suck less and work harder.
